Build up, Breakdown is a collaborative piece that I created with my brother Fletcher Gilbertson in 2016. I’ve dealt with anxiety and panic attacks for most of my life. An analogy I use often to describe this feeling is a record player. When I am obsessing over a singular negative thought, it’s like a skipping vinyl record. I keep going back to the same line, over and over again. As I begin to obsess more, my fear and emotions build into many negative thoughts. Buildup, Breakdown is an extension of this analogy. The phonograph continually spins a record while the music being played was created by my brother. When he recorded the piece he improvised most of the music to create sounds that reflected feelings of a growing panic attack.
The phonograph also symbolizes the generational mental illness in my family. My grandmother, my father, brother, and I have struggled with anxiety. My father is a huge inspiration for me as I worked through this series. Our shared story of mental illness drives me to share this story with others.
